Creative Writing Work and Comments: Week 6 (Excerpt from Treasured) Part 1

Creative Writing Class Comments
Photo by Free-Photos via Pixabay

Week six of Creative Writing Work and Comments will happen in several parts, mostly because the creative work is long enough to warrant two blog posts and because there is still time for my classmates to comment as of the writing of this.

The creative work is a scene from Treasured, one of my current WIP novels that I am working in intermittently. It is from Audric’s point of view.  Tell me what you think in the comments!

Creative Work: An Excerpt from Treasured

Living room, Victorian style
Photo by Vinny Ciro via Pixabay

“You killed someone, Audric! I don’t care what excuses you have. We had a deal and you broke it. Now I’m going to tell everyone what you are.” Cam turned on her heel and made towards the door. I couldn’t let her tell everyone I was a vampire. That would start a war, one that ended with a stake through my heart.

I only had one choice to keep her from talking. In a second I was in front of her making her inhale sharply with surprise. I grabbed hold of her wrist with one hand and the bracelet with the other. She fought me, but was no match for my powers. I bit into the thumb of my free hand followed by the thumb of her hand. The taste of blood mingled tangy and sweet on my tongue. I pressed our thumbs together and slipped the bracelet over her wrist. The clasp closed and welded itself together automatically so there was no way to take it off. Her life was bound to mine. She couldn’t tell anyone my secrets now.

I took a step back and leaned against the wall of the living room, watching as she desperately fiddled with the bracelet, looking for the non-existent clasp.

“What the hell does this bracelet do?” she said, venom in her voice.

Guilt, doubt, and regret filled my mind. Had I made the right choice? Bounding her life to mine for eternity? I had no choice, I reminded myself.

“I’ll tell you. But it’ll never come off,” I said. My tone was cool, distant. It was one I would use on a stranger.

Photo by Hans via Pixabay

She turned her angry glare on me, her honey brown eyes molten with fury. “So you’ll start giving me answers now that you’ve done some sort of vampire magic on me, bitten our thumbs and mixed our blood? That’s rich, Audric.” She huffed and crossed her arms, turned her back to me and stared out the windows.

I walked over to her, brushing her hair away from her ear and leaning in close. I could hear the beating of her heart. The whisper of blood rushing through her veins, tempting me. The familiar itching and pulsing in my gums started in a rhythm matching her heart. But I had already angered her enough. If I fed on her now she would never forgive me. And since she was now immortal, never was a long time.

She shivered as my breath touched her ear.

“This bracelet binds my life to yours. You are immortal now. You will not age a day. And wherever I go, you will want to follow. You are my Treasured,” I said. I let her hair drop like a curtain and stepped away, lost in thought. Was it worth giving up my freedom, my pleasure, just so she didn’t talk? Yes, I did find her intriguing, but was that something to base choosing an eternal partner off of? Probably not. But I had kept my secret safe. That’s what was important. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, returning to my spot against the wall.

“Treasured?” The blatant curiosity in her voice made me smile. When I looked up, her eyes were bright and focused on me. She loved folklore. No wonder she was a history major.

Vampire eye
Photo by badkill3 via Pixabay

“Yes. A Treasured is essentially a soul mate for bloodsuckers like me. A way to be with someone forever without consigning them to our fate.”

She shivered. “Why? Why me?” I didn’t have an answer for that. The only two I could think of were to keep her from talking and because she confused and fascinated me. I wanted to understand her. But neither of these reasons would be enough for her. I shrugged. The action upset her.

“You chose me as your soul mate for eternity and you can’t give me a decent reason why?” She put her hands on her hips and glared, a pout forming from her lips. She posed me no threat. She never would and never had. It was like a house kitten taking on a tiger. One of them would clearly come out on top.

“I never said I didn’t have a reason. I just don’t feel like sharing them at the moment.”

She rolled her eyes. “And we’re back to the non-answers. Goodbye, Audric.” She headed for the front door again. I was blocking her path before she could blink. I held up my hands in surrender.

Victorian Style Couch
Photo by StillWorksImagery via Pixabay

“I know you’re mad at me. And I can give you some answers. Just not the answers you were hoping for. I know you like history. I can tell you the legend of how the first Treasured began and how they continue to this day. Take a seat, Cam,” I said. I gestured with one hand to the couch.

“Do I have a choice?” she grumbled.

“Not really, no.”

She crossed her arms and strode over to the couch, sitting down with a thud. After a moment of silence, she said, “Well?”


2 thoughts on “Creative Writing Work and Comments: Week 6 (Excerpt from Treasured) Part 1

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s