This edition of funny quotes will follow a single conversation between my mom, my brother, my dad, and I. Some of the information I quote is misinformed, namely, the use of pedophile to mean a fetish for feet or children. I wasn’t aware there was a separate word. With that being said, enjoy!
Mom: And I just imagine your brother casually typing “perpetually prepubescent” about some little creatures for his Facebook Post.
Bro: They aren’t “little creatures!” They are a race of beings in Zelda!
Mom: So, yeah. Little creatures.
Bro: But on one of those facebook birthday games, one was Zelda themed and we got kissing one of them. That’s bordering on pedophilia.
Me: Pedophilia can mean one of two things: having a fetish for children or feet.
Mom: Or both.
Bro: That’s what I was thinking!
Mom: Sometimes I wonder.
Me: About what?
Mom: About us.
Me: What about us?
Mom: How abnormal we are.
Me: I’m sure we could ask our neighbor and she’d tell us.
Bro: We went from talking about prepubescence to pedophilia.
Mom: Perpetually prepubescent, which is an alliteration also. She says alliteratively.
Bro: Speaking of weird. I’m sure Dad would tell us how weird we are.
Mom: If he’s even paying attention. Right, [Dad]?
Mom: Are we weird?
Dad: *sarcastically* No. Not at all.
*Mom, Bro, and I laugh*
Mom: He says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. *pause* I wonder what that would look like. Saliva?
Me: No. I think it would be thicker. Like mucus.
Dad: See? Not weird at all!
Mom: *sarcastically* We’re not sarcastic either. *pause as everyone laughs. Then silence for a couple seconds.* It all started with perpetually prepubescent.
Me: I didn’t even realize that wording was strange.
Mom: See? We’re weird!
Me: Wait a second! We went from prepubescence —
Mom: Perpetually so.
Me: — to pedophiles, to the viscosity *Mom snorts, Bro laughs at this word* of what dripping sarcasm would look like as compared to bodily fluids.
Mom: Now do you see why I wonder?