Funny Quotes Part 1

As a fairly weird person, I tend to attract the weird and awesome sort. This results in a lot of funny conversations and quotes. This is part one of a series I will write intermittently of all of the funny quotes I have collected over time.

  • “Even equatorial pigmies know how you feel about [insert controversial or contrived topic here].”
  • “Being an actor is weird. Your job is to kiss your coworkers. Literally.”
  • Person 1: That wasn’t an accident.
    Person 2: Not unless the Angel of Death is going through a Rube Goldberg phase.
  • As a title: Psychotic Puppies: Sure they look cute…
  • In an elementary school library talking about Harry Potter. One kid imitates a spell. “HEY! No forbidden spells in the library!”
  • “Journalling is like barfing your mind onto the page. Mind Barf.”
  • I listen to 60’s and 70’s music. My brother listens to classical music composed in the 1500s through the 1800s.  Mom called me an old soul when referring to my music tastes. Cheekily, I asked, “What does that make my brother?”
  • “As a public school teacher, there are few things that make me happy. But today I have Peeps, I have a jail cell, and life is good.”
  • A commercial said “Don’t chase butterflies into something highly illegal.”(see below) I texted this to my best friend.
    BFF: I can’t help it!
    Me: But you must try!
    BFF: Can’t do it! *vigorously imagines butterflies*
  • Mom: Why is popcorn so easy to eat?
    Me: Maybe because it’s buttery goodness? *cheeky smile*
    Mom: *snorts a laugh* Smart ass.
  • You know you graduated from kid to teenager when you stop being called a smart alec and start being called a smart ass.

Here is the link to the “Don’t chase imaginary butterflies into something highly illegal” commercial:



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